For its final season, “Reign” has chosen to regale us with
three different geographical settings, each under the rule of a powerful woman.
Mary Stuart is now attempting to rule Scotland. Catherine of Medici won’t surrender
the power to her son, the new king of France: and in England, Elizabeth I worries
about her cousin coming to steal her throne. But before the closure, this
fanciful series is facing its greatest challenge, one it has avoided so far.
The scriptwriters are hitting history books and trying to come up with the real
Mary, Queen of Scots, and the true events that shaped her last years and legend.
Season Four is closing these disparate (ergo, lots of fun)
series with a topsy-turvy set of events. Mary crying over Catherine’s shoulder
and asking for advice on matters of the heart? King Charles of France becoming
a Protestant? Queen Bess doing drugs with pirate John Hawkins? David Rizzio
bearer of prophecy? This stretches the limits of the farfetchedness that “Reign”
had us used to. And yet, all this craziness does have some basis on historical events.
Such novelty may come as a shock to the show’s faithful fans,
the ones that thought that Mary would end up marrying Bash and living in the
forest with the druids. They shouldn’t
worry much. The French arc still embraces
the series’ noblest tradition of dealing strictly with historical inaccuracies…And
Boy! Are they coming out with outlandish stuff this last Season!
First stop: Dull
England
This is, so far, the series’ weakest storyline. By herself, Elizabeth Tudor is a dull
character. The Elizabethan period and those who experienced it are fun, but
their monarch? Noo. Too virginal. Aware of that fact, historical fiction indulges
in speculation. Following that trend, authors have field days guessing how many
lovers the Virgin Queen really had, and if she gave birth to one (or more)
royal bastards.” Reign” is no exception to that trend.
Last season saw Elizabeth carrying Robert Dudley’s child,
pregnancy that came to a halt when the queen miscarried due to a poison Lord
Cecil slipped into her cup. Sad, but not incompatible with history. The fact
that Elizabeth’s most trusted courtier acted out of love and jealousy added a
piquant touch to the whole intrigue. Could it be that in real life prim Lord Cecil
experienced romantic longings for his sovereign? Time to write some fanfiction on the subject.
Elizabeth’s faux-accouchement
coincided with Amy Robsart Dudley’s historical fall from her mansion’s stairs.
Dudley became a widower, but he and his royal mistress were under a dark cloud.
Bessie tried to save her lover by marrying him off to her rival. That is factual
truth, Dudley did (half-heartedly) court the recently widowed Mary. However,
the series has him returning to the English Court married to Lettice Knollys!
In fact, Dudley did impregnate and marry his Queenie’s cousin, but that
happened eighteen years into the future.
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| Dead Amy Robsart |
Distraught Elizabeth drives Dudley, pregnant Letty, and
besotted William Cecil into exile. She is left without a boyfriend and without
a counselor. Who does she have on hand? Ambassador Gideon, a man dull in looks as well
as in character. Queen Bess spends this season doing useless things: concocting
plots to keep cousin Mary single, trying to entertain dying Agatha Gideon’s
last hours, attempting to convince contemptuous noblemen that she can be as
jolly as Dad Harry when it comes to hunting. Did anybody in England missed Fat
Henry that would be won over by Elizabeth’s resemblance to her tyrant’s father?
Finally, the writers take pity on the wretched queen and get
her a proper companion: privateer John Hawkins. He has just run afoul the
Spanish authorities for stealing some gold. Philip II wants Elizabeth to
surrender the cad, but Hawkins convinces the queen that he is much more useful
in England. After doing absinthe together, eating tomatoes and playing with the
turkeys (she calls them “large chickens!”) Hawkins has brought from America,
Elizabeth gives her new chum leave to plunder the New World.
I thought Bess and Hawkins would do the nasty on the dining
room table, but instead, she’s bedding Gideon. Really, Bess! Gideon? Anyway,
Hawkins is an authentic item. He was Sir Francis Drake’s cousin. He did work
for the Spaniards until he thought it was time to change bosses. By 1564, he had just returned from Santo
Domingo after selling slaves there. Yes, that is his dark side. Perhaps we
should let “Reign” convince us that Hawkins only trafficked with live poultry.
In La
Belle France
Let us begin with Claude, the most superfluous and insufferable
character in the three kingdoms. I have given up convincing anybody that the real
Claude de Valois was plain, lame and a hunchback to boot. Moreover, at this
stage she was already a wife and mother. Some fans have tried to identify
Claude with her youngest sister Marguerite who does not appear in this series.
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| The real Claude de Valois |
Still, La Reine Margot,
beautiful, passionate and sexually liberated as she was, had much more common
sense than Claude. We begin this season with the princess mourning Leith’s
untimely passing. Claude is shown crying, scowling, praying, but being Claude,
soon ends up in a married man’s bed. Caught by her intransigent sister, Claude
gets an ultimatum. Either she marries or is charted off to the nearest convent.
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| Claude in mourning |
Lord Narcisse (slurp), recently returned from England,
conjures up a son named Luc who marries slutty Claude. Being that “Reign” is strictly
speaking a soap-opera, Leith materializes from the grave. He wasn’t dead after
all. Narcisse quickly throws him in a cell and keeps him there until the marriage
has been consummated. On finding the truth, Leith and Claude are devastated. The
ever-pragmatic Luc offers a solution. All he wants is an heir. Provided that occasionally,
Claude lets him try to impregnate her, he has no qualms about her cavorting
with Leith. Claude embraces the idea of a threesome. Leith is not enthusiastic
at all, and departs for unknown lands. Claude is back to her pouting. Too bad “Girls”
is over. Vapid and self-centered Claude could fit so well into that crowd (she
even resembles Jessa.)
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| Claude's second wedding |
In another corner of the French Court, The Valois are
holding a family reunion. Queen Leeza
has come from Spain for an extended and unwelcome visit. Apparently, she is now her husband King Phillip’s
ambassadress. and in Paris to survey how well her family fights Lutheran
heresy. If she finds their efforts are too lukewarm, she is to report immediately
to His Most Catholic Majesty who will proceed with the fusion of both
companies. The French and the Spanish brands.
Of course, Leeza (who is much older, bigger and plainer than
the real Elizabeth De Valois) is carrying in her chest a huge load of childish
grudges against Mommy Dearest. She wants nothing better than to provoke an incident
between France and Spain. In this she is helped by brother Charles who, since
he became king, has been putting on his most revolting Joffrey Baratheon act.
Frist Charlie led us to believe that he was into killing
bedmates just to satisfy some necrophile wish. Thank heavens he was not using Bianca
for target practice, just frightening her into watching skeletons and his face
stained with blood. Blood? Yes, for a moment I also thought Chuck to be one of
“The Originals.” And then, half-eaten corpses of children began to show up in
the countryside in the spots where Charles liked to wander at night. Was the King an early Bete de Gevaudan? The peasantry thought so.
Finally, Catherine manages to put a leash on her unruly pup.
Charles addresses a crowd with tales of big bad wolves captured and killed to
prevent them from feasting on the flesh of their children. The peasants are no
fools, they still believe their king is a cannibal and to prove it a bucket of
pig’s blood is hurled, a la Carrie, to Charlie’s head.
The poor boy goes
bonkers and hides in the forest. Mom Cat comes after him and gets the story of
how Charlie, still traumatized after seeing friend Thierry burnt alive, can
only exorcize that image by eating live squirrels and smearing his face with
their blood. Ok, if it’s for therapeutic reasons… The problem is that Charles
has no desire to reign or live in the palace. Leeza is ecstatic. A kingless
France needs the ruling hand of hubby Phil.
Tireless Catherine and loyal Narcisse travel the countryside
and track down the king leading the rustic life with some peasant family near
Meaux. After sampling pigeon soup, and thanking the family for their
hospitality, the royal entourage convinces Nicole, Charlie’s new peasant
girlfriend, to come and look at the Court. and yeah, bring the King along too,
Girl! It is only when they are all well
set in The Louvre, that Charlie drops the bomb. Nicole’s family was Huguenot,
they converted him, therefore he is now a Protestant king!
Poor Leeza, she is so
put off, she has no strength to protest. She packs herself back to Spain, and promises
to keep her mouth shut provided Protestant Charlie is sent to the nearest
Bedlam while little Henri is crowned king instead of his mad brother. Catherine
leaves such matters in the competent hands of her prime minister and Nicole
(who has a crush on Narcisse) and departs for a Scottish vacation to give
advice to the forlorn Queen of Scots.
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| Nicole and Reign's Charles |
Before getting to Scotia where all sorts of exciting things
are happening, let us rewind a little and see where did this French salmagundi
sprouted from. in real life, Charles was
a bit touched in the head, and he had a rocky relationship in his mother. He
did have a son with a woman, Marie Touchet, who was not an aristocrat. His
mother and he did embark on a trip all over France around that time, but he was
never a Protestant.
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| The real Charles IX and Marie Touchet |
Elizabeth de Valois, Catherine’s favorite daughter, did
arrive in France for an official visit in 1564. She had just had a miscarriage
and was longing to see her mother. With his wife, Philip did send an envoy, the
Duke of Alba. His purpose was to warn
Madame Serpent (Philip’s loving nickname for his mother-in-law) that Spain
didn’t like how the French were handling the Huguenot problem.
Meeting the
royal party in Bayonne, Catherine went on to throw a humongous court festival
to entertain the Spaniards. It was designed to show Alba that France was still magnificent and
prestigious and would not stand bullying from any other country. That is the
truth behind all these Gallic shenanigans we had been watching this Season.
Meanwhile, back at
the Highlands
Mary finally returned
to her Queendom where she was received by a druid faction. Apparently, the druids
were only Scottish subjects to welcome her presence. On Caledonian land. Mary
has had to contend with rebellious clans, Protestants everywhere, John Knox’s
intrigues and a cute, but not so trustworthy James, Earl of Moray, who happens
to be her half-brother.
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| Mary and the very cute Lord Moray. Too bad they are not Tsrgaryans. |
Taking a page from Catherine’s book, Mary is learning
to use Machiavellian solutions. To test his loyalty, The Queen has Moray behead
a clan leader who had impudently kidnapped her. Then sends her brother to
seduce (and gather intelligence through her) Emily, Knox’s young wife. At the
time, Knox was married to a young woman named Margaret, not Emily, and Moray
was already married to Agnes Keith. But “Reign” has chosen to add more spice
and drama to the real events. Scorned Emily has taken a terrible revenge. One
that had Mary exiling her beloved brother. In real life, Moray abandoned the
Scottish Court in protest of his sister’s marriage to Darnley.
Now that we mention him, Lord Darnley is proving to be an
onerous chapter in Mary’s disastrous love life. Just like the real Queen of
Scots, Adelaide Kane’s character is boy-crazy and has trouble keeping her
knickers on. The Fourth Season opens with Mary engaged to Lord Gideon (yes,
that man is everywhere,) planning to abdicate and live happily ever after in
some English castle. Reason sets in, Mary will always be a peril to Elizabeth,
her life will be endangered, and the Scottish people need her. Although this
last point is debatable, Mary boots Gideon out of her heart and sets her cap
for getting back at Bess. The best way is to be crowned queen of both England
and Scotland, and her ticket to the throne is called Henry Darnley.
Let me stop a second
to explain why Darnley makes Mary’s claims more legitimate. They are first cousins;
Margaret Tudor was granny to both. Lady Lennox, Mary’s obnoxious new
mother-in-law, is Henry VIII’s niece. They all descend from The White Princess.
They are totally Tudors.
Darnley has royal blood, plus he is gorgeous. So, Mary
wastes no time and screw him in a hallway. A bit too soon, because Darnley
reveals himself to be a drunkard and an undependable lout. Mary keeps on
getting warning chits of paper laden with anti-Darnley propaganda. The warnings are signed by “The Loyal Watchman.”
This mysterious protector turns out to be THE Earl of Bothwell.
The moment The Queen
runs into James Hepburn at a tavern (how appropriate) we know that this is the
only man capable to fill in Francis ‘boots. Next to him, Darnley is a worm. And
yet, Mary’s fangirls (those who know their history) are screaming: “Run, Mary,
run! Don’t fall for his pony tail, for his sassy Orlando Bloom grin! Bothwell
is TROUBLEEE!!!” But this time, love and history will rule here.
Mary-Bothwell run high in my list of historical shippings.
We know so little of how that romance evolved that I’m buying every silliness
the scriptwriters come up with. The tavern, the boat ride, the forest trek,
Bothwell declaring his love in a dark corridor on the eve of Mary’s wedding:
Bothwell telling her that he vowed to her mother to keep Mary safe. I was
touched by that reference to Marie de Guise. Mary’s mother was one of those
historical figures that underwent character assassination in “Reign.” It is
befitting that someone remembers how much she loved her daughter.
However, David Rizzio (who is gay just as in real life) pops
up in the middle of a forest, like some Tolkien character, and delivers Mary a druid
prophecy. She can either have love or an
heir that joins England and Scotland forever. What Mary doesn’t realize is that
she has no choice. Her tumble with Darnley had consequences. She is carrying
the heir, so she must give up love.
But my Lord Bothwell is not one to deter easily.
On her wedding night, while the drunk groom snorts, the Queen, from her window,
sees Bothwell lurking under her balcony. SOOOOO ROMANTIC!
And yet, where this
is going to lead? Mary to the scaffold, Bothwell to die in chains, and mad, in
a Danish prison. But, but…this is “Reign.” If they have spent four years
playing with history, why change now? Could we see Mary and Bothwell living
happily ever after? In “Reign”
everything is possible.
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